I can’t breathe

I blog in my head from time to time as things happen. I just start formulating sentences in my head to describe them as if I was writing.

I enjoy writing. I enjoy talking to the little voices in my head and come to new conclusions about what’s going on inside there. It is a very confusing place, I tell you.

The reason why I need to do that is because 98% of the time, when something is bothering me, I have no idea what it is. I just don’t know myself that well. Or maybe I just don’t have enough time to figure it out. There’s always something.

Right now I guess I could say that the fact that we are living in a country I know nothing about, in a basement with barely any windows in a city I absolutely couldn’t stand from the moment I google-mapped it and the fact that my friend’s baby is sick are kind of the main things that are keeping my breaths short.

I just wish I could relax. Enjoy it a little bit. Enjoy the fact that I’m getting to be with my babies all day and take those long walks down the trail by the lake as the weather is allowing us to right now. I do not mean to take things for granted and I am oh-so-grateful for every small piece of life that is precisely at it’s right place right now. I’ve worked hard for this.

Maybe I will get a job I can stand, at some point, in one of the hundreds of cities in Canada I would love to call home. But maybe I won’t. And if I don’t I don’t wanna live a short-breathed life. I wanna take deep breaths and enjoy every dump we might find ourselves in as we live on Child Benefits just because I built this family and I got us out of Brazil. Just because we are together and we are fine…

That should be enough.