Shhhh…

It’s a beautiful fall in small Brockville. They’ve just fallen asleep on the couch. Barely a foot away from me. I have to be quiet. The dishes are waiting. There’s some leftover pizza that’s been there for a while now… but being a mom is not about getting small tasks done. Being a mom is not about peeing whenever you feel like it either. It’s about being quiet… or the babies will wake up.

It’s not that you want your babies to sleep through the day, but yes, you do want them to sleep through the night. You need that energy.

Last night was one of those nights… and the night before that too.

The girls have a running nose. No fever, thank God. But the running nose keeps them awake. I danced around with Aurora from 3:30 to 5:00am. Agatha woke up crying. My husband took her downstairs and they watched cartoons until she fell back asleep.

We are both so tired.

Tonight can’t be another hard night. It just can’t. I do not have the energy.

So, why am I here writing about it, instead of sleeping?

The fear of them waking up keeps me awake. The writing calms me down. The cappuccino in my beautiful cup makes me happy… I’m all about the small things and the sceneries.

Please remind me of how I feel today, if I ever lose my mind one day and decide to go for the triplets.

Thank you,

Yours truly.

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Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late…

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Last night Aurora woke up at 3:00am and didn’t fall back sleep before 6:00am. I feel like I’ve taken several sleeping pills right now.

Isn’t amazing how I can type things in my sleep?

I can’t really write right now, but I do have a question to you, fellow bloggers: I wanna move this blog into my host so I can play with the layouts better, but I’m afraid I’ll lose the stuff I’ve organized here. Does anyone have any experience with that?

Thank you,

Good night. I hope your babies sleep in today.

Stupid diet – day 3 out of 14

It’s 7am and I’m already hungry!

Aurora went to bed at 2am and woke up at 5, so… yeah.

We are now watching cartoons and I’m this close (insert tiny space here) to drinking her milk.

She is like an angel lying next to me. She looks at me and smiles and hugs me for no reason… It’s like she’s happy I’m her mom and we are finally together.

Yes, I had to take a picture so the 60 year old me can look at it and wonder where time went (and be mad at the 33 year old me for thinking she is old already).

Hello, 60 year old me! How much do you weight? Are these stupid, pointless 14 days over yet?

Is there an app where you can upload your picture and see what you’re gonna look like in the future with the options being if you stop smoking / driking / eating wrong now or not? Did I just create that? I’d pay 25 cents for that! Dude, I’d probably pay a dollar!

That Dora is the weirdest cartoon ever, since we are -not- on the subject. Right?

Omg, she actually fell asleep! Can I have a chocolate to celebrate? Who am I talking to? I’m SO hungry.

Anyway, all  day 3 stress came not only for the fact that the girls have a flu that’s been keeping me up most of the nights, nor from the fact that I’m hungry. It’s actually because, yesterday, after starving myself like crazy and  going to my ballet class even though my head was killing me all day, I still GAINED 3 pounds! Fine, it could be a temporary water retention thing, but it’s still pretty irritating (specially when you’re already irritated).

But so we move on… after all, 14 days shouldn’t take longer than 14 days to pass.

Day 3 menu:

Lunch consisted on 2 toasts and salad. I could have added 2 boiled eggs here, but I saved those for latter. I had those around 5 pm ’cause I had the worst headache and forgot to take a picture -that’s how fast I ate-!

   And this was dinner:  Dinner was actually pretty good , or maybe any food tastes better when you are hungry like I was.  I obviously almost passed out during ballet, being the fat “kid” that I am, but the adrenaline actually made me feel a lot better than I was feeling before I went to class. Maybe it’s endorphins… Whichever!

It’s the end of day 3, finally!

Good night, people!

Please, don’t cry

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It’s 4.10am and she just stopped crying. She had been crying since a little past 3:00am.

I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I’ve tried giving her a bottle, but if I so much to turn her around, instead of holding her tight, the crying gets worse.

We’ve tried distracting her with all the things we use when she’s normally crying, but she wasn’t interested on anything.

We put Frozen on and I started singing. Whenever I stopped singing, she would start crying again. It’s like she couldn’t see us, only listen to me …and feel me holding her.

As I watched the tears going down her cheek I thought of her smile. She’s such a happy, loving baby. I love that smile and the little noise she makes when we find her hiding behind the curtains.

I’m pretty sure she’s hungry because she didn’t take her bottle after dinner like she always does, but she won’t take her bottle. I want to feed her, but I’m afraid she’ll start crying again, she has just calmed down.

It’s neither the first nor the second time this’s happened. It had been a while, though. She wakes us desperate and acts like she can’t see us. Like she’s still sleeping. When I was breastfeeding I’d put her on my chest and she’d calm down. But now, I simply don’t know what to do.

The doctor says it could be night terror.

I think he’s right. It is night time and this IS terrifying. I’ve brought her to the living room so she wouldn’t wake up her sister, who is,  magically, still sleep, even though I’m pretty sure the whole building is up from hearing her crying,

I wonder if she’ll continue to have these episodes when she’s older and tell me what this was all about.

She’s sobbing a little on her sleep, so, I’m staring at her. I cannot leave her alone right now, doesn’t matter how hard I need to pee.

Too much information?

I’m sorry about that

Good night…

Half asleep,

Shelly