Bye, mommy!

I worried that they’d miss me during the week as I knew I’d be covering for a friend at her work. I pictured them running around the house , screaming “mommy, mommy”. Would they think that I was in the bathroom? Would they knock  on the door? I knew they wouldn’t understand if daddy told them I’d be back later.

We’ve spent the last six months together and yes, it drove me crazy, but I worried about them and the separation.

So, I’d sneak out in the morning as they watched peppa pig, hoping that they wouldn’t see me get out.

On the first day, when I got back home, Aurora did not leave my lap. They’d both hug me so tight,  to the point where they were sobbing if I went to the bathroom. My back hurt from carrying them around , but I felt so important.

I love the way they come running ti me when I get home.

So, today, they saw me leave. I thought they’d run to the door, but they didn’t. They just said “bye, mommy”!

I was happy, because they were not suffering and I thought maybe they understood that I always come back.

I was devastated.

I hope they always need me, ’cause I need my mom to this day. I hope we have the kind of relashionship where we can always hug.

I hope I learn how to handle this.

All I praid for was a couple hours by myself so I could read a magazine, and, when it get it… This happens.

Awesome.

This mom role is far too complicated.

take care, guys!

House arrest

“How’s Canada treating you?” you might ask me, as we reach the 6 months mark.

Well, it feels like house arrest most of the time, since it’s -20 outside and we don’t have a car… but mostly, it feels like some kind of unpaid forced vacation. All the time. Anything but real life, I’d say.

Real life is having a routine, at least for me. You wake up, you do things, you turn on the TV, you watch news… you house has furniture. Stuff like that.

We’re just not at that point yet.

I don’t really wanna wish for the next phase because sometimes I feel like I’m always waiting on the future instead of enjoying the present. I waited a long time to move here, for over an year all I could think about was what it would be like once we moved and now that we’re here I find myself wishing we’d have a job already and a house and all those things that make you feel secure about a place.

It’s just neve enough. There’s always frustration. Always wishing, always waiting. Counting the days, hoping things will change.

And when they do, there’ll be new things I’ll worry about.

We’re not working yet. It’s fine. We’re sharing precious moments with them that will never come back. By the time they start school and I’m working again I’ll just read this and wishing I could turn back time and enjoy being home with my kids.

We’re good. Getting poorer by the minute, but good.

 

 

 

 

 

Cryer

She’s a cryer. She wakes up and starts crying already, so we feed her a bottle of milk. We think she’ll stop.

She doesn’t.

She keeps crying all through the day for the most diverse reasons. Sister got her toy. She wants to play with water. She wants to touch the computer. Turn off the TV.

If she doesn’t get it her way, she cries.

At night, she cries and points and say half of the words repeatedly, mad at us because we can’t understand her.

Tonight she wanted the ket, ket, KET, MOMMY, KET! It was a blanket. It took us forever to figure that out. It took her forever to sleep.

She woke up in the morning. No nap AT ALL all day. She finally fell asleep, being rocked by daddy, holding her blanket to make sure it was covering her shoulders, otherwise she’d go crazy around 2 a.m.

I just hope she’s not up by 7:20 a.m. again. I need recovering.

Though days.

No luck on any jobs yet. Maybe she can feel it.

Yeah…