I’ve been eating a lot and, even though I wanna cry every time I see my reflection somewhere, I still can’t stop.
I can’t stop because sometimes it’s 2 in the morning when one of them finally falls asleep, and I know the other one has been sleeping since 9:30 and will be up shortly. So, I open a box of cookies. And I eat it. ‘Cause if I don’t, I’ll have a breakdown. I do not have time for a breakdown.
I can’t stop because I’m nervous that none of us has gotten a job yet. My heart is pounding. All the time. So, I have a cup of warm milk. Maybe 4.
I hate myself right now and the fact that my clothes don’t fit anymore. I can’t look in the mirror. I can’t run.
Still, whenever my heart races again, I seem to forget how much I hate myself right now and I grab yet another slice of pizza.
I’m not even hungy.
I’m not even myself anymore.