The fear

I’ve had a very, very short conversation with a random person who was walking by, just 15 seconds ago. He has a 14 year old daughter and he was looking for a Christmas present for her.

“It’s just her and me, you know.”

He said that in so much pain, or maybe that’s the way I took it.

When he told me that, I realized there was a young girl out there, growing up without her mom.

There are tons of girls there growing up without their moms, I know. But, still, this fear just took over my body instantly.

I do not want my girls to grow up without me. I believe that’s my biggest fear at this point of my life.

I can’t die right now. Not that I could ever… but it’s a different fear. It’s not the fear of death. It’s the fear of leaving my girl without a mom.

I look carefully to both sides before crossing the streets now and I make different choices.

I wasn’t trying to be hit by a car before I became a mom, but now, I’m just extra careful.

I try not to get too nervous – to the point when I’m shaking.

I try making healthier choices.

I can’t stand the thought of not being here for them until they’re able to make their own choices.

I do not fear for me anymore. I fear for them. But the fear is always there.

This motherhood thing is a pretty crazy one.

One thought on “The fear

  1. I have the same concern – I really just want to see Evelyn to adulthood. I mean what I REALLY want to see is my grandkids grow, but that might be pushing my luck a little.

    My dad died when I was 6, so I am acutely aware that bad things can happen to good people and people die whenever their ticket is called – doesn’t matter if they leave behind young children – happens every day! I pray we are all lucky enough to see our children grow. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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