Shhhh…

It’s a beautiful fall in small Brockville. They’ve just fallen asleep on the couch. Barely a foot away from me. I have to be quiet. The dishes are waiting. There’s some leftover pizza that’s been there for a while now… but being a mom is not about getting small tasks done. Being a mom is not about peeing whenever you feel like it either. It’s about being quiet… or the babies will wake up.

It’s not that you want your babies to sleep through the day, but yes, you do want them to sleep through the night. You need that energy.

Last night was one of those nights… and the night before that too.

The girls have a running nose. No fever, thank God. But the running nose keeps them awake. I danced around with Aurora from 3:30 to 5:00am. Agatha woke up crying. My husband took her downstairs and they watched cartoons until she fell back asleep.

We are both so tired.

Tonight can’t be another hard night. It just can’t. I do not have the energy.

So, why am I here writing about it, instead of sleeping?

The fear of them waking up keeps me awake. The writing calms me down. The cappuccino in my beautiful cup makes me happy… I’m all about the small things and the sceneries.

Please remind me of how I feel today, if I ever lose my mind one day and decide to go for the triplets.

Thank you,

Yours truly.

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We shall not be blondes

I’m always changing my hair colour. I can’t decide on a color and stick with it.I really can’t and it’s been that way forever. Still, whenever I’m not-blonde, looking in the mirror can surprise me, somewhat of a ” oh, I wasn’t expecting that! “… Which is kinda cool.

But 3 days ago I changed my hair colour, yet again, for a bigger purpose. I wanted to have the same hair color as my girls. Not because I wanted people to say we look alike ( which is fun, though) but because I didn’t want them to think that you need to have blonde hair to be pretty or to accept themselves.

I know they’ll be different from the other kids here and I can already feel that. But I don’t want them to ever feel like they have to change, to be someone they’re just not.

Back in brazil, girls had what we used to call “brazilian hair” which consisted in very dark natural hair with very light highlights. It was kind of a pattern and it got my thinking. I do not want to set that role model for my kids like my mom – who’d scream at me whenever I showed up with darker hair – did.

For the first time, she said I looked beautiful, now.

It’s a good thing we’re all growing.


Take care guys!

This post is not meant to be offensive to blondes! I hope it didn’t come out that way!

God, I miss my computer

I’m the kind of person who needs to set the mood for things. Back in high school I’d clean up the room, turn the TV on with something not interesting and fill a plate with crackers and mayonnaise, otherwise I couldn’t study. Is that some kind of disorder? If it is, I have it.

Can’t do this blogging over phone thing. 

Miss you guys. 😦

  

Motherhood

Isn’t this what motherhood looks like from the inside of our heads before we actually become mothers? Just doing whatever we used to do, except there are kids o the couch watching cartoon, quietly. Little did we know. The cartoon moments are rare and precious. Some moms can, but I can’t breathe anymore as deeply as I used to. I can’t be away for too long. I can’t be away at all. I wake up at least 3 times every night, even though they don’t do that anymore. I sacrifice my showers, I didn’t put on my make up or had my nails done for over a year. It’s a hard thing, I’ll tell you. Yet, some women make it look so easy. I admire them. 

Soon I’ll have two little girls around the house, no longer two babies. I still have to decide if I’m actually happy about that and who is the person I’ve become after them.

It aint easy, I’ll tell you