The irresponsible factor

As an immigrant and a mom to twins you’d think I’d just send out resumés like a crazy person to whatever production line jobs they offered in Canada.

It would be the responsible thing to do, considering the fact that there’s a big chance THE KIDS GOTTA EAT. Right?

But could I just not do that for a while and pretend it’ll be ok? I’m applying to dream jobs only. Something that’d make me wake up excited in the morning and not thinking “God, I don’t wanna get up”. I’ve done that for too long.

Working at the shipyard was hell. I hated every second. And, even though it was the experience I got there that pretty much qualified me to be here, I wouldn’t go back. Not to that job, not to any similar jobs. Well, at least not until my options are a little open…

I guess I am just irresponsible. Or am I?

Down

I’ve managed to spill water on my mac and , since Im still unemployed, there’s a very small chance I’ll get it fixed or buy a new one soon. Guess I’ll be catching up on my hand drawings, eh? 

Before you get crazy ideas, I might just let you know right ahead that I refuse to go windows ’cause that’d make me a fat windows user and that’s twice as bad as being just fat!!! 

Thank you for understanding, 

Sincerely – or not so much

Me…

Daydreaming

There was a time in my life when reality wasn’t a friend. I’d choose to stay in bed for hours after waking up , daydreaming about something far more interesting than getting up to walk from my room to the kitchen and back again about 20 times before it was time to bed again.

I had a list of movies in my head I was starring. I’d play them over and over, change the scenarios, change the endings and my co-stars. This was basically me, daydreaming about Johnny Depp, Chad Michael Murray, Macaulay Culkin, Kieran Culkin, Zac Hanson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jared Leto and the guy from Scrubs… to name a few. Yes, I’ve had my share of daydreams.

I guess most girls daydream about some hot guy from school asking them out or whatever. I do not know how normal girls behave actually, but I did that too. Then, one day I realized it was really embarrassing and rather disappointing. The boy in my head was not the boy I met at school the other day, so, if I spent those endless hours at the bus imagining what it would be like to run into Jordan Catalano back in 1994, there was no way I’d ever be disappointed by him in real life. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t reject me. It didn’t hurt.

But things change.

If you told me a couple years ago things would change I wouldn’t believe you. I had no faith and the numbers were against me.

So, now I’m tired. Exhausted. I use my hands to climb the stairs… Still, I can’t sleep. I don’t want to. I wanna live and enjoy the moments and this place. Reality has taken over and I no longer wake up to daydreams. I no longer stay in bed wishing things were different.

I do miss my free time – ’cause I’ll always find a reason to complain – but I might dare saying I’m living the dream.

The dream isn’t over yet and it isn’t complete, but I’m glad I’m awake to see what happens next.

Things change, people. They really do.

nos3

My promise to the moms to be

I’ve read the story about the couple that had 5 babies and one of them was still at the hospital. They said that when the fifth baby finally came home, their routine was completely lost. That’s because one baby makes a hell of a lot difference! I can tell that for a fact because yesterday the girls alternated their nap times and it was magical! We were able to eat at McDonalds while Agatha slept in her stroller and then we went to the superstore while Aurora slept at hers!

It is important to stay calm – which I absolutely don’t do- and help each other. The lack of sleep and the exhaustion break most parents of twins apart.

Taking care of twins is not a job for a mom alone, unless you’re willling to say goodbye to the person that mom used to be pretty soon.  Taking care of a baby is not a job for a mom alone. Everyone needs a break.

I would have chosen to stay home if I had the option when the girls were born. But staying home all the time will drive you crazy. Go for an ice cream alone. Take short steps and deep breaths. Let them cry for 30 seconds so you can figure out what to do. The constant crying. The non-stop crying is a cruel torture and you’ll have no time to freak out. It’s all on you.

I’m not the one to say that what happened to me or my babies is a rule and will happen to everyone, but oddly enough, when my babies were born, they had the exact same sleeping routine I did when I was pregnant. I’d wake up at 6 to say goodbye to my husband, then I’d turn the TV on to watch the news and fall back asleep by 9. Punctually. They did that too. I hear a lot of moms say they couldn’t sleep through the night by the time their babies where about to come, and then, neither did the babies. If that’s actually a thing, it’d help a lot to sleep, or stay in bed during the night for an extra hand with a newborn sleeping habits.

But still, the first couple of months are hard. The memories come in flashes from time to time.

I remember going out with my husband just to put gas on the car – ’cause I needed a 15 minute break- and leaving them with my mom. Either my mom would call us in desperation because they where screaming their lungs off or I’d come home to find our next door neighbor holding one of the girls.

I remember calmly putting Agatha on the crib in the middle of the night after trying for 3 hours to get her to sleep and as I turned to Aurora she started moving her little arms and making her little I’m-gonna-start-crying-now-mommy noises… and I started it all over again.

By the beginning of the 3rd week my mom started taking care of one of the girls through the night for I was not sleeping at all anymore. I had to feed them every hour.

I don’t know how she did that. She’s in her 60’s and she did that. Every night with me. Maybe other moms can do this alone and I’m completely incompetent but I couldn’t have done it without my mom.

Yes, the cramps are hard. The feeding every 1 hour is hard… But it goes away and by the time that second christmas comes, you’ll all be dancing in the living room. 

I promise.

Organizing the closet

So, I’m a bit of an organizing geek. I love the bins, the necessaires, the hangers… I take organizing as a hobby rather than a task. 

I was finally able to organize our closet during nap time. I divided it by seasons and colors. 

And then the babies woke up and it turns out they can, indeed open the closet door. 

Here’s a picture of the finished project: 

  

Haven’t we all been there?

Photo guide to convince my husband of some things.

We are both unemployed and trying to adjust to a new country. We are obviously on a budget here. So, yesterday I told me husand we really needed to find a way to block the girls from going into the kitchen ’cause that’d make my life a lot easier. His answer obviously was: do you think that’s absolutely necessary? I said YES, and to help me with my argument, here is a photo guide to what happened today as I replied to ONE text message from my father-in-law:

  
  
I rest my case.