We’re tired

Well, I am.

Moving away is exhausting. It feels a little bit like dying, to be honest. I’m not sure I’ve actually written this here before, because I remember thinking that exact thought. You say goodbye to a lot of people, like you do every day… like the woman at the bakery. She has no idea this is the last time she’ll be asking you how the kids are doing… but you know it is.

I went by my high school and I took a picture of the street. I must have walked down that street at least 1000 times before. I went up and down those stairs 1000 times as well… but this time, I knew it was the last time.

It’s weird the things that end up in that one beg you’re able to carry with you and supposedly sum up all your 33 years. Your most comfortable old blue pajamas and the pillow cases that smell like home. I look at my stuffed animals, the ones I’ve had since I was a baby, and I’m thinking “I’m not ready to leave them here”… I’m just… not.

But I am ready to leave. I’ve always been. Ever since I was a teenager translating Hanson or Alanis Morissette songs and trying my best to learn English, so I could leave one day. I’ve been planning this moment, dreaming about this moment for over 20 years. I do not have any doubts. I just wish it was easier on everyone else. And I wish I didn’t feel like leaving this world instead of just leaving this country…

I hope one one hates us -too much- out there. And I hope we can finally find a place to stay… it’s been quite hard. But I owe this to my kids and to myself. I can’t afford to quit my biggest dream…

2 thoughts on “We’re tired

  1. Life changes – especially big ones like this – are always a little scary and heartbreaking. I really hope you find a place to stay and get settled quickly. And I hope in time, your heart feels less sad about leaving everything/everyone behind.

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    1. Thank you, Lindsay. I was so excited about moving, I forgot no one would trust us over there. Specially without a credit history in the country to back us. but it’ll be fine. it has to…

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